So my mind is at its clearest in the early hours of the morning, before I take my meds for my epilepsy. This is the time when I have my flashes of inspiration and can think clearly about new ideas and ones that have been developing in my mind. For the next hour I can process my thoughts and think things through.
I am writing this part of the blog and can slowly feel the drugs taking their effect on my mind and body. Quite scary really and depressing that I can’t go for a day without them.
My thoughts have gone all fuzzed up now so I will carry on writing later...
As I was lying in bed thinking in the early hours (like I do), my thoughts were drawn to my schooling. I have had conversations with various people (mostly creatives) and most have come back to me with similar experiences. Not fitting in / not complying with the “norm”!
Throughout my education I was always drawn to the creative subjects. I did go through a stage of thinking I could / wanted to be a vet. But I soon came to realise that my brain is just not wired that way. I am more of a creative soul.
I was lucky enough to be able to go through the system, GCSEs, A levels, Foundation course and finally my degree. I never did REALLY well at my subjects. Just okay. I had to have extra maths tutoring (GCSE) and have always struggled to retain “useful information” mainly because I just can’t concentrate and keep focused. Plus, sometimes it just didn’t interest me enough (I still have that problem these days)!! It may be to do with my Epilepsy, it might not. Who knows?
Anyway. My main thought this morning was that I have never really fitted in. The ways I wanted to express my art work were not the ways the teachers wanted. Everything had to have reason behind it. Why did I paint this? What story is behind the art work? Some arty farty explanation was always needed. I just made art because I enjoyed it and I would make things that made me happy. This apparently was not enough. I found it all very frustrating.
I’ve always struggled with words and having to explain myself doesn't come naturally. Because of this, I didn’t get good grades. I’m sure there were some other factors that contributed. But these are the ones that stuck in my mind until this day. I am now 38 and only now am I discussing this subject!
Maybe I need to get a life!
So I wonder if this is a healthy way of teaching. I don’t have any children, so I’m not sure how things are these days.
Exams petrified me, public speaking makes me feel sick. I’m not sure why it happens, but I’m pretty sure it all stems from the school system.
Surely the arts are there for people to express themselves in what way is suitable for them. They shouldn’t have to all be the same. How boring would that be? That is what art is all about isn't it??!! Being different! Creating something new!?!
Lucky for me. Now I am being creative in MY way. Being different is what I am proud of now and expressing myself through my artwork is fantastic. It helps me in so many ways. Conquering my fears, nurturing my passions, repelling my depression and I’m told it actually makes other people happy when they see it. What a joy!
Well I feel better now I’ve got that off my chest!!
Feel free to comment with any experiences you may have had that relate to this blog.
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The image is from Google images.